IndieSoul

HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE

We make choices on where we live, what kind of car we drive, what kind of work we do, which partner we choose, not to mention the countless simple choices we make on a daily basis, from what we eat, to how we spend our time.  Yet despite the obvious fact that we are the creators of our own worlds we still find excuses to blame our unhappiness and dissatisfaction with life on external circumstances.  It is so much easier not to own up to the choices we make and how they in turn affect our state of being.   I think the challenge lies in finding and maintaining the courage to be brave and honest enough to look within – to hold the mirror in front of our face and take a good at who is staring back at us.  Most people choose to drown out that inner voice of reason by surrounding themselves constantly with external stimulants – going out, drinking, watching TV, constantly checking their phones and computers. To sit with yourself and ‘just be’ is extremely challenging, if not down right frightening.  What do we do when we shut down all the noise? What do we focus on if not the choices we’ve made?   Hence, I think choosing happiness is not an automatic thing.  It’s an active thing. It’s a CHOICE we make, and it is the choice to be an active participant in our own life.  So in the end it’s simple.  If you’re not satisfied with how your life is going, go within, sit and listen for a while, and then choose Happiness.  Hit the activation button and see what happens.  Now open up the windows and let the sunshine in!

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KEEPING THE WELL FULL: THE POWER OF SELF-LOVE

“A human being who does not have a single hour of his own every day is no human being at all.”  Rabbi Moshe Leib

We often demand compassion, care, and attention from those closest to us. We look to our partners, friends and families to nurture us as we may nurture them, expecting a certain level of care-giving which will allow us to put our feet up once in a while and feel like we’re taken care of. When we don’t receive that we feel frustrated and somehow unbalanced.  As a woman, I personally feel genetically inclined to want to ‘nurture.’  Yes, I admit there have been times when I have given too freely of myself with little reciprocity. And yes, I admit that as much as I enjoy giving there is a part of me that may want, need (ughhh…I hate that word!), a little something in return.  It’s a bit like the Christmas gift-giving/receiving syndrome. You buy a gift for someone, let’s admit it – pretending not to expect anything in return – when in fact there is always that unspoken dreaded feeling of expectation looming like the coveted yet soon to be broken ornament on the tree.  What I am understanding better as of late is that rather than expecting anything – instead of taking away in order to give away – maybe, if I conserve my own energy with a bit more insight and frugality, then I may not need so much of it to be returned back to me!  The best way to describe it is to liken my/our energy reserves – from which giving in all its many forms derives – to the finite water in a well.  If the well is constantly used up, as deep as the well may be, sooner or later it will become depleted and dry, unable to replenish itself.

I want to give. It’s in me to give.  But I have to confess that my unabashed giving ability is only sustainable for so long, because as deep as my well may be I know it will become exhausted, and when it does I won’t be any good to any one.  If I am drained I can’t create. I can’t be me.  I feel enigmatically stressed, fatigued, or frustrated.  I want to take rather than give.  It’s like an energy famine.  And if I am feeling deprived, subconsciously I am going to feel inclined to deprive others, mentally and emotionally. Isn’t it an oxymoron to expect to be loved and taken care of, yet neglect to love and take care of ourselves?  To make a full circle here from where I started, perhaps the reason we demand compassion and expect to be taken care of in the first place, is because we feel frustrated and ‘needy’ not because others haven’t met our expectations, but due to our own inability to balance ourselves and conserve our own energy, rather than let it be drained or given away to the last drop.  To give freely and intuitively to Our Selves – whatever it is that allows us to function at a higher vibration – is to be able to share THE BEST OF OUR SELVES with others. In the end, I believe that Self-Love is what enables us to live in a greater state of freedom and awe. It is Self-Love that protects us from losing our equilibrium and transitioning into a state of constant scarcity, need, and futile expectation. And knowing that is a source of great strength.

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THE ‘ISLAND’: A STORY OF HOPE

I sat on the edge of a cliff for years, absent of feeling, gazing at the formidable ocean crashing for miles below my feet.  I saw the reflections of many things in its waters, but I did not want to see my face.  I sat still, trapped inside my own skin not knowing if I still knew how to swim.  I had nearly drowned in the past when I plunged into the unknown nebulous waters, blinded by the naiveté of youth.

photo by Claudia Ghetu

And then one day a raft appeared just as I was contemplating whether I was brave enough to take that leap again willing to risk death if that was the only chance I had at life.  You see, on the other side of the cliff across the ocean, I knew of an island that had my name written deep within its rock.  That island contained the answer to all my dreams.  But it went far beyond that.  The island was carved from ME, it contained every fantasy, every longing, the fiber of my essence – my alternate ego and my true self – the other me, the real me, which I kept buried deep beyond the mask of flesh so that I could mimic living and exist to stay alive. It was the place I always wanted to be reunited with, the only place I would risk my life trying to get to – the place I had tried to swim to in the past despite the ravenous currents that always sent me crashing to the rocks…ragged, wounded, and bleeding.  Yet time and time again I was cast back to the shore, more broken and disillusioned.  If felt like no matter how much I wanted or how hard I tried to get to my island, the possibility of success would always elude me.  So I decided to stop trying one day and stare out at the sea rather than try to conquer it, living with a sort of death in my bones.

It was when I concluded to keep to the high ground and give up on hope, having failed time and time again, that the raft appeared.  I was surprised at my sudden change of heart.  Seeing the raft as a fortuitous omen, I climbed upon it with great urgency.  Gasping for air and trembling with fear and excitement, I found a message nailed to its wooden beams. It said that it would carry me half way across the water, but that I would have to swim the rest of the way.  I felt a jolt of terror rush through me, as I pictured being stuck halfway between my safety net and my unreachable ideal.  I had been willing to risk drowning before, but would I now?  The note left me disillusioned. I felt myself cursed.  It was in that moment of utter apprehension and inconsolable cowardice that I chose the safety of the shore and relinquished my dream of ever reaching the island.  I would rather dream of it, and have it live inside of me than put myself out yet again.  I felt myself a helpless mortal, a hopeless fool, wanting to taste the ambrosia of the Gods, but knowing too well I could never taste it.  And so I remained on solid ground and chose the ‘the world of safety,’ the world that most humans belong to from birth until death.

Years went by.  And suddenly the vision of the raft surfaced in my mind’s eye engulfing my thoughts, starting to torment me.  Did I make a mistake? Did I forsake my only hope for getting to the one place that called me by my own name? The sight of the island became ever present in my mind. A monument to my dead soul.  Within a short time the very thought of it began to make me ill.  One night I was awakened by a deep foreboding voice whispering in my ear: ‘You are dead!’ The cave under my skin where my heart is felt hollow.  Something was absent.  It was then that I finally understood the true meaning of the island.  I realized that I had given up on more than just a dream.

I let slip away the only thing that kept me alive: the possibility of Hope…

Years, months, days later and lifetimes in between, I realize one thing: that Hope is breakable. It’s as if we are made of glass. When we break we shatter into small pieces…one Hope at a time.  But just as Hope is breakable so it is mendable.  So it is conquerable.  Hope and trust are intertwined.  We have to trust enough in ourselves, something or someone, to regain lost Hope.  It doesn’t matter how many times we’ve been broken, let down, torn to pieces – we can still recoup Hope. It is said that if you put a Masai warrior in prison he will die simply because he cannot conceive of imprisonment as being a temporary thing.  He lives only in the present.  The future and the past are null.  Hope resides in the realm of the future.  It is something we create to ensure our survival.  Man has overcome the worst atrocities through the aspiration of Hope.  We must never let the island slip out of our sight if it inspires us to want to conquer our greatest fears and achieve our greatest dreams.  I’ve been inspired to have Hope again.  The raft was nothing but an illusion to begin with.  For the first time in my life I have never felt so sure about diving deep into the furious and abysmal water standing between me and my island.  I know what lies on the other side is worth risking everything there is.

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LETTING GO OF NEGATIVE EMOTIONS EMPOWERS US TO LIVE A HEALTHY LIFE

“There is only One Mind and we are in IT.  We are in It as intelligence.  It accepts our thought and acts upon it.  Destructive emotions, desires or ideas, unless neutralized, will grow into some bodily condition, and may produce disease.”  Ernest Holmes

“Ignore those that make you fearful and sad, that degrade you back toward disease and death.”  Rumi

I have come to learn that Forgiveness next to Love has the highest potential to change who we are and transmute negative and harmful energy into a purifying stream of white light.  There is nothing that can hold us back or set us back as much as anger and hatred.  We can never truly enjoy our lives or feel blessed and joyful if we harbor resentment.  A beautiful tree can never blossom into its full majestic glory if it is being poisoned at the root.  It may grow, but it will be diseased and contorted as if crying out in pain.  Where do anger and hatred stem from?  I think it all begins with disappointment.  Someone wounds us by letting us down. Someone overlooks our sensitive parts for the sake of self-preservation or interest.  Someone destroys our trust by gradually tearing away at that soft core that is our foundation. And finally when too much pain and hurt builds up we become filled with fire, like a volcano no longer being able to suppress its lava.  Suddenly there is an explosion and everything becomes covered in ash.  Every aspect of our life is affected, seared by this burning fire which if left to its own devices will eventually turn us into solid rock, hardening us from the inside out like an impenetrable armor.

It’s easy to forgive small trespasses, but the real effort and true healing comes in forgiving something grave not something with minimal consequences.  The greater the pain the greater the healing.  And it all begins with Us…not with Them.  We have to want to become responsible to take the initiative to forgive. Ego and pride will have to step back and be replaced by the courage to change. The courage to Heal!  It is now a known fact that negative thoughts materialize in our physical bodies to affect our cellular health.  Every particle of hate or anger is a tumor or a cancer cell waiting to manifest or multiply.  In the words of world-renowned medical intuitive and author of Anatomy of the Spirit, Carolyn Myss: “Experiences that carry emotional energy in our energy systems include: past and present relationships, both personal and professional; profound or traumatic experiences and memories; and belief patterns and attitudes, including all spiritual and superstitious beliefs.  The emotions from these experiences become encoded in our biological systems and contribute to the formation of our cell tissue, which then generates a quality of energy that reflects those emotions.”

Think over your life, your relationships, your hurts and your resentments – acknowledge every emotional pain or trauma and become aware of the pain or ailment in your body that extreme emotion might have caused.   I once had three benign lumps in my left breast – where my heart symbolically resides.  I knew they were the ‘scars’ of three painful relationships I had had, materialized as abnormal tissue in my body.  Over the years I realized that every time a part of my body hurt there was a direct link with what I was feeling inside.  I had extreme pain in my lower left back during a time when I felt overwhelmed with responsibility from a job that was so emotionally taxing it gave me frequent anxiety attacks.  Eventually that lower back pain turned to illness.  A pain in the back side represents a heavy burden that we symbolically carry and weighs us down.  It has been discovered that people with blood disorders have very complicated relations with their blood relatives, and others who have suffered from heart disease have blocked out intimacy from their lives keeping their hearts closed and suppressing emotions.

Who do you have to forgive in order to release yourself  from negative attitudes and energies that block your heart, harm your spirit, and destroy your body? Can you rise above the hurt? Can you put your pride aside and look into the soul of another human being and forgive them?  I know I have to.  It is only by pulling the curtain to the side that we can allow the light to shine back in. We owe it to ourselves, and to the whole that makes us part of that ONE Being – part of that collective consciousness which begins and ends with US.

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ACCEPTING OURSELVES MEANS ACCEPTING OTHERS

We live in a world that is unforgiving.  We have little tolerance for mistakes and we are taught to thrive on competition.  Not only are we programmed to judge others, but sadly, we do the greatest damage judging ourselves.  How can we let go of the past and heal ourselves when we are our own greatest enemy?  We desecrate our bodies to the point of pollution by eating horrible things, or by obsessing over our weight, shape, and visual appeal so much so that we reconstruct our bodies to conform to a false ideal, injecting, cutting, and stitching ourselves beyond recognition.  Where is the Self Love? Where is the Self Acceptance?

photo by Claudia Ghetu

Despite all the things we need to fix within ourselves and the effort we should be putting towards looking deep into the source of our own troubles, we are somehow preoccupied by the imperfections of those around us.  We find people and relationships that need fixing, and often, if it seems too easy and the challenge isn’t big enough we walk away.  How many times have we heard one of our friends say ‘He’s really nice and there’s nothing wrong with him…but he’s boring?”  So we subconsciously make it a point to find someone who we can disagree with, get upset with, and subsequently criticize. I don’t know how this illness of being compulsively obsessed with other people’s ‘issues’ or misdemeanors took such hold of us.  But it’s obvious that it deflects from what we must each address on an individual level in order to live responsibly, morally, and sensibly.

Every time I find myself concerned with someone else’s choices or character ‘flaws’ I tell myself: Mind Your Own Growth! Those four words work like magic.  They act like an elastic cord that pull me back into a higher awareness. Give it a try sometimes!  Look, people are where they are in their own lives because they chose to be there.  Everyone’s entitled to their own Free Will, even if they make a mess of things or whether or not we disagree with their actions.  Everyone is on their own journey.  Ask yourself, who am I to criticize and judge another soul when I am myself a Work In Progress – when I am imperfect and immersed in advancing my own awareness?  Only God can critique our failures or evaluate our progress.  When you feel the need to judge others hold up the mirror in front of you.  Look and see where you have given up on yourself.  Have you accepted who You are warts and all?  Let go of criticizing your weary body and your tired mind.  Be your own best friend for a minute and silence the inner chatter.  Stop being angry with yourself.  It’s so much easier to admit you’re not perfect when you admit that you’re a Work In Progress – and so is everyone else.  That makes you more lovable, more real, and more accepting of others ‘faults.’

So mind your own growth, and be joyful you can grow in your own life and thus enrich the lives of others one little step at a time!

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THE COST OF OUR ‘IDENTITY’ & LEARNING TO ‘SEE’

I woke up this morning with an enormous sense of gratitude.  I looked outside my window and saw snow flakes drifting on the wind blowing like magic in all directions.  It was like being a child all over again.  Then I looked over at my two adorable purring cats sleeping contently nestled on top of my billowy down comforter.  I love how warm they make me feel inside, and I smile.  In a few minutes I would make myself a hot cup of tea and come back to read then write in bed, with the snow flakes playing outside my window.  Pure bliss.  There was nothing in the world I missed, and there was nowhere else I wanted to be.  How different I felt this very morning from three months ago…

I would have never guessed that today of all days I would feel so centered and at ease in my own life, not in the wake of ending a painful relationship, moving from the city I love, getting laid off, still being in debt, and not having my own place.  I have reached a point where I can put my school loans aside, come to terms that I’m nowhere near owning my own house, reaching a six-figure income (not yet anyway!), or even finding someone special in my life any time soon.  And it all feels fine inside.  It’s funny being this alarmingly at peace.

I have finally let go of illusions, false identities, and misleading expectations to find myself free of discontent and resoundingly happy.  How is that possible without owning hundreds of thousands of things or wanting to be someone bigger and better than I already am?  It is called finding and standing in my own Truth, and realizing that most of the things that I thought I always wanted were just cut-out pictures of other people’s storyboards. That always comes at a price – and the cost is our own true Identity!

The longer I live the better I See, and for that I am grateful.  I see the obvious yet blindly ignored Truth corrupted by a false sense of Reality that most people are not even aware they partake in.  I see the way people deny what’s real because they can’t face themselves.  They’d rather lie and cheat themselves and let their false-identity-ego lead their life choices rather than follow with their hearts.  They’d rather fight or be willing to die for something they think they want or is important, just so they can be the heroes or victims in their deeply unfulfilled lives.  The heart is the home of our intuition, and when we don’t listen to the voice within we don’t lead with our hearts.   Us humans are somehow programmed to find a cause or take on a role so that we may identify ourselves with some-thing, any-thing, other than Our-Selves.  If you were to ask most people ‘Who are you?’ they will most likely respond with What They Do, not Who They Are.  I see clearly how we have lost our way trying to navigate through this complex labyrinth called life, and some have not found their way in the first place.

We have to awaken at some point and See how we have been born into pre-determined identities, taught or made to conform to a way of living aimed to keep us in the darkness of ignorance only to continue to feed the de-humanized and automated cycle of ‘civilized’ society.  Consumerism, greed, competition, and fear of failure are the seeds that have been planted deep within our psyches from the moment we are old enough to take our first steps, despite our naïve notion of free will.

The truth of the matter is that initially as we enter our pre-determined lives/roles we don’t get to choose who we are, but eventually as we shed our false identity and learn to see, We Become Who We Are.  There is always that choice to continue on the carved path set out before us, or to escape the mentality of the masses and the psychological corruption that has shaped our societies and our individual choices.

We have been taught that ‘normal’ means going to college, getting a job, advancing as far as possible in a career path, getting married, buying a house, having children, and saving as much money as we can.  If this magic formula works how is it that most people who try to follow this equation are miserable in their lives?  Why was I miserable in my life then when I was living my ‘dream life’ in New York City, with an apartment in glamorous Manhattan, a high-profile media job, a great social life, and the best of the best of everything?

Sit still in your life for a moment – as if a great northern wind were to cast you in ice and freeze you over – and think about Your Self and what/who You really are.  Where does your freedom lie?  Where was your spirit crushed?  Where have you been misled?  What does your heart want to do? And as the ice melts around you ask yourself: What Are You Willing To DO, And What Are You Ready To SEE To Be Really Happy?  I have answered these questions with true conviction, and I can say that I am the happiest I’ve ever been with the least I’ve ever had!  I gave away what was too much to carry on my shoulders, even if it meant giving up steady financial gain.  I gave up the carved path that other people laid before me and chose my freedom.  I gave up the job that brought me prestige and fulfilled my ego but made me physically ill from long hours and severe stress.  I gave up my $2200 apartment with the enviable zip code which kept me enslaved in my job, and living in fear of whether I may lose my job one day and suddenly find myself stranded and with no savings.

Maybe you, like me, have to stop pretending at some point that you are pleased and fully satisfied by all the external factors and material things that keep your identity bound up as if you were a fly caught in a spider web.  Let it all go and ask yourself what truly makes you happy on the inside – because I doubt it is trudging on the pre-carved path to realize a scope which in the end may not bring you the fulfillment you thought it would.  IF THERE IS SOMETHING ON THE INSIDE THAT KEEPS EGGING YOU TO ‘GET MORE OF SOMETHING’ BECAUSE YOU OUGHT TO GET SOMEWHERE THEN STOP. That is called addiction.  ‘MORE’ WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH.  It’s just a trap labeled ‘Illusion’ — the house you’re working towards that gives you a higher sense of purpose in life, the job title that you’re trying to secure that gives you a false sense of identity and only feeds your ego not your soul. And you ask why is there so much bitterness and stress?  Why is there so much sadness or dissatisfaction coming from somewhere you can’t quite pin-point?  WHY ISN’T ENOUGH REALLY ENOUGH?

Could it possibly be because you have traded off your one and true Identity for a title or for some form of ownership over something?  And deep down within the core of you you know something quintessential to your well-being has gone amiss?  Maybe it was stolen from you.  Maybe you gave it away without realizing in a moment of blind fear or ambition, or in a moment where a false truth cast its shadows over you making you believe that the purpose of your existence is to gain, not just Be.  Try giving it away or letting go instead.  And in letting go also let go of your fear and try letting you heart lead.  I can honestly tell you that it works – because I’m living my true dream right now of writing this so that You can read it!  I no longer feel the burden of having too much stuff or not being enough.  I would rather FEEL something now than OWN something.  I would rather do something my heart wants to do rather than my ego.  Now I just want experiences not things.  I want to hold on to an emotion or a moment, not a cold inanimate object that will eventually break or be owned by others.  A house, a car, a necklace, a book even – they’re all borrowed objects, even if we think we own them.  They are mere things that drift through space that will come into someone else’s hands eventually.  But our feelings our emotions, our experiences – they can never belong to or be possessed by anyone else.

Ask your Self who are You really?  Then let the ice melt around you and open your eyes anew.  And maybe if you happen to see clearly on a beautiful day, you will SEE the life and the person you always wanted to Be.

© Claudia Ghetu, Indie Soul/IndieWomanMag.com, 2010.

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